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What is your biggest regret from your Survivor experiences? This one is easy. During Game Changers, I regret how much I talked to Probst. As I’m sure most fans know by now, Tribal Councils are much longer than shown, and so are the little chit-chats we have with Probst before a challenge or at a swap. Look, I am and always have been the guy who tries to be teacher’s pet… or in Survivor’s case, Probst’s Pet. I knew part of the reason I was brought back is that Probst liked the way I talked about the game, and the expectation was that I would continue to deliver. Not then savvy enough to think about the impact my monologues would have on my tribemates’ egos, I soliloquized and Jeff beamed, and the rest of the cast glowered. Probst had a major crush on me. He called on me constantly. There was one post-merge Tribal where, I swear, he called on me every other person. Dolphin No Matter How Old I Am I Still Get Excited Everytime I See Dolphins Shirt I spoke half the Tribal. The person he called on the least? Sarah. That woman knows how to play, and part of playing to win is keeping your trap shut around Probst. I just can’t help myself. I see those baby blues and those dimples, and my mouth just falls open. What I’ve learned is that I do not have the right personality to be a successful Survivor player. I like to shine all the time, and winners need to be able to control their shimmer. What’s something that will blow fans minds that happened out there in one of your seasons but never made it to TV? While on the Millennials Tribe, I made a fake idol as a decoy, in hopes that other people would stop looking for the idol, so I could continue looking. This A.) did not work and B.) in the spectrum of fake idols was crappier than the Stick — it was a piece of sea debris I wrapped in the ubiquitous Survivor canvas and tied with twine. It was a beauty on the outside, but rotten on the inside. Anyway, it was a fun gimmick for 20 minutes, then it was useless, so I stashed it in a bush and forgot about it. Game Changers rolls around, and we get swapped to… Er… the name escapes me, but we were the green tribe, and I ended up back on Millennials beach. Ozzy, Sarah, Andrea, and I tore up the jungle, looking high and low for the idol that was already securely stuffed down Troyzan’s boxer briefs. We looked for days. We were so frustrated. And then one day I hear Ozzy holler, “I found it!” I hustled over, saw him reach into the bush, and pull out my fake from the season before! They were all disappointed, but I thought the connection from one season to the next was pretty nifty. And let me take this moment to give a plug for Ozzy. I got to meet a lot of my Survivor heroes, and some of them really disappointed me.

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However, Ozzy, like Queen Sandra, is just as incredible as you want him to be. In Game Changers, I lived my Survivor fantasy watching him fish and climb trees and just be good at everything. He has a knack to find food — not fish and coconuts — but real food. One day, he conjured a can of orange soda, on another, a bag of cookies. And to his credit, he always shared. Ozzy is a good dude. Jeffrey Neira/CBS Zeke Smith on ‘Survivor: Game Changers’ How do you feel about the edit you got on the show? My edit made me seem FAR more wholesome than I actually am. I’d often watch episodes and think, “Who is that guy?” We even came up with a nickname for my character on Survivor: Little Dude. Sure, the guy you saw on Survivor is part of me, but it’s just that — a part. Survivor certainly helped me embrace the more earnest part of myself, but if you were to spend any considerable amount of time with me, I think you’d find the more dominant side of my personality — the side that is irreverent and raunchy and a tad strident — to be quite the contrast to the Little Dude you saw on Survivor. What was it like coming back to regular society after being out there? Was there culture shock or an adjustment coming back? Coming home was bonkers. I played in back-to-back seasons, so I left for MvGX, played that season, and came home for two weeks in… where I essentially didn’t leave my apartment. I ate, slept, bought clothes, and did paperwork for Game Changers. I couldn’t tell anyone I was going back, and I was also still, as I like to say, “Down the Rabbit Hole.” My mind and soul were still in Fiji, even if I was momentarily in Brooklyn, N.Y. Fourteen days later, I got back on a plane to Fiji. And, as we all now know, a lot happened with me and Game Changers. By the time I finally came home, I’d been off the grid for four months; it felt like I’d gained a whole lifetime of experience. To use the clinical mental health term, I came home f’ed the f up. Once again, I had trouble leaving the apartment. It slowly trickled through my friends that I was home, and a few weeks after I got back, my friend Steve finally dragged me out to do a comedy show, something I did once, if not twice a night in my pre-Survivor days. Before I left the house, I packed a bag with a rain jacket, umbrella, change of socks and underwear, protein bars, candy, and two liters of water. I was terrified I might be wet, cold or hungry at some point. Never mind the fact that it was a hot, humid August in New York. There was no rain coming. No lack of dollar-slice spots to eat or bodegas with bottled water to drink. But I was haunted by the memory of aching hunger and bone-shaking wet chill. I carried my “go bag” with me every time I left my house for months. Social situations and my anxiety were very overwhelming for almost a year afterward. My outing hung over me like a time bomb. I knew my life was about to radically change, but I wasn’t sure exactly how, or for a long time when, it was going to happen. Needless to say, it took a while before I fully adjusted to life on the mainland. I still get anxious when I’m hungry. Was there ever a point either during the game or after you got back where you regretted going on the show?

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Never. I went on Survivor because my life had grown stagnant. I needed an adventure, a jolt to my system… I needed to change my life… and oh boy, did I! Did I get to live my dream of playing Survivor? Did I get an adventure? Push my limits? Grow as a person? Make new friends and enemies? Yes! But, clearly, my outing and the attention it received, and the platform I gained radically changed my life’s trajectory. I went from someone who very few people knew to be trans to one of the most visible transgender men in the world (which says more about trans men’s visibility than it does about me). I was not to the point of self-acceptance commensurate with such a position, and it was on me to do the self-love work to get there. And while finding peace with oneself is a lifelong journey for everyone, I feel very proud of how far I’ve come and how quickly I got there. Beyond the personal, I feel tremendously proud and humbled by the impact we had on the world. We’ve helped parents understand their trans kids, we’ve helped trans people feel seen and safe to be themselves; we provided an authentic and meaningful trans experience to stand in contrast with all the bad media portrayals of trans people. One of my favorite stories is of a trans guy in the Air Force. There was a new commander, and he’d been called in to see him. He went to the meeting with dread, fearing the commander wanted to gawk at or chastise the trans person in the squadron. Then the commander told him, “I saw Zeke on Survivor. I get it. Just wanted you to know you have an ally in me.” How could you ever regret an experience which led to that? Survivor led to my advocacy work, which I’m very proud of; it led to meeting Nico, with whom I’m madly in love. I’ve had innumerable other wonderful experiences as a result of Survivor, and one, in particular,Dolphin No Matter How Old I Am I Still Get Excited Everytime I See Dolphins Shirt  I think you’ll enjoy. In the fall of 2019, I was backstage in the VIP room at the Creative Arts Emmys (Nico was presenting). My job in these situations is to hold Nico’s purse and stay out of the way while the real celebrities network. And this was a room of real celebrities: Jane Lynch, Bradley Whitford, Olivia Munn, Liev Shriber, a bunch of Game of Thrones-ers, Patton Oswald, and Rachel Bloom to name a few. I’m against a wall trying to make myself invisible when a man in a pink tuxedo jacket walks up to me, “Hi, Zeke. I’m Neil.” I look up, and holy smokes, it’s Neil Patrick Harris. I muttered back, “Uh, yeah… I know.” We chatted for a bit about Survivor until he was pulled away to present an award. He was gracious and unassuming and could’ve talked to anyone in that room, but for seven minutes he talked to me. He even made a point to come by and say hello at the after-party. It made my year. Whom do you still talk, text, or email with the most from your seasons? The Millennials vs. Gen X crew is an exceptionally close bunch, so I keep in touch with a lot of that gang, chief amongst them is Bret. I do gay stuff with Bret. No, not that kind of gay stuff — get your head out of the gutter! Or, as Bret would say, “guttah.” In the before-times, he’d come out West, and [I’d go out] East a few times a year to run amuck in the local gay bars. Bret is a really special guy. He’s so charming and magnetic. And I continue to feel very honored by our bond created over beers on a beach in Fiji all those years ago. Of course, I’m close with my fiancé Hannah. Even to this day, I get asked if #Heke is real, and I’m like, “Of course! What do you think it is, some social media stunt to rake in followers and play a trick on all the adolescent fans who said mean things about us on the internet? How dare you! ” I keep up with Adam, Chris, Jay, and, of course, my Darling Sunday, whose fight against cancer you can support here. But most (though not all) of the MvsGXers are welcome to drop by my house at any time. There’s something really special about our little crew. While we certainly have our fair share of narcissists (present company included), we don’t have any sociopaths. Everyone at their core is good. From Game Changers, I exchange the occasional text with Ozzy, but my main squeeze from that season is Aubry.

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