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Then suddenly the sex dropped off quite drastically, not at my choice. I fretted and tried to figure out what had changed or what I was doing wrong. It was quite a source of stress for me. I tried to talk about it many times but was shut down. Eventually, through some snooping, I discovered that he has a foot fetish. I didn’t bring it up, with the idea of giving him time to feel comfortable with telling me, but he never did.
Then about a year ago, through more snooping, I found out he’d been going to foot-worship sessions during our (monogamous) relationship. I was very upset and told him what I had found and considered ending the relationship but figured that now everything was out in the open, things might get better. Our level of communication improved for a while. He told me that he feels hugely embarrassed about his fetish and didn’t think anyone would stay with him once it came out and that no previous girlfriends have known about it.
But now we rarely have sex and have stopped talking about it. I’ve given up. I suppose I feel a bit resentful about always being the person trying to fix things. I know he is the way he is as a result of a childhood that made him feel generally ashamed of who he is, and I don’t want to contribute to that even more. I know that he still views foot-fetish material online, and when I asked once if he would ever go back for a foot-worship session, he said “No, I’d be too worried you would find out.” I’m also aware that there’s a submissiveness to his fetish, and I’m no longer attracted to him because of it. I fantasize about having sex with a very macho partner, and any attempts he makes at initiating sex make me cringe because it feels like we’re just so incompatible. Am I a bad person for wanting him to be more macho? Is there any way for us to work on this and make it better again?
—Frozen Feet
Dear Frozen Feet,
I really don’t like that his response to whether he’d go to foot-fetish sessions again centers on fear of you finding out. You’re not comfortable with him engaging in sexual activity with others—even professionals, even when it’s something you’re not interested in—and his reply indicates that he’s more concerned about what he can get away with than what the two of you have agreed to. And yes, his childhood of shame is sad, but it’s not your responsibility. You can be supportive, but you shouldn’t stay in a relationship that doesn’t work for you because leaving might make him feel bad.
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